


The seeds of change are planted

by Caffeine_faerie



Series: 365 Ficlets for 2018 [2]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-26 16:09:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13239303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caffeine_faerie/pseuds/Caffeine_faerie
Summary: After months of ignoring each other through their Force Bond, Ben wakes up after a nightmare to find he has company. Rey learns that things have changed in the interim.





	The seeds of change are planted

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to #2 of my 365 prompts personal challenge. I have a bunch of dialogue prompts and aim at writing one drabble per day. It's going to cover a myriad of my (favourite) fandoms and ships, the one that fits the prompt best will win. Some will end up as multi-parts, most will be one shots.
> 
> Prompt: “I can see it in your eyes. The panic. What’s gotten you so scared?”
> 
> While I sit on the fence about TLJ - some of it just didn't work - I cannot get Reylo out of my mind. The force bond is brilliant on so many levels, and I cannot wait to see what they do with Episode IX. This prompt screamed them, and so I took to writing it. Title comes from Pink Floyd's "Into the Light" - which surprisingly fits with Ben Solo's journey. It's my first time writing this pairing (or universe, although I adore it), so apologies for it being a little too OOC.

Ben sat bolt upright in bed, gulping down deep breaths and running a hand over his face and then through his hair. He was sweat soaked from the nightmare he’d just ripped himself out of, and exhausted. He wasn’t a politician, and, with the absence of Snoke in his head, he found himself identifying more and more with his birth name – Kylo Ren was just the character he was playing when he left his quarters – but he found himself thinking and acting as Ben Solo more and more often, and it was going to get him into trouble very soon.

He swung his legs out of bed and leaned his elbows on his knees, holding his head in his hands before moving to massage the knots out of his neck. He was concentrating so hard on clearing his head that it took him a while to register the movement at the foot end of his bed.

Of course the Force would have brought her here now. He sighed and turned his head to look at her.

Rey had been practicing her meditation before turning in for the night when she opened to eyes to find herself sitting cross-legged at the foot of a bed in a rather spartan room on what was clearly not the Falcon. She could tell that Ben was in the grip of a nightmare, but she decided to sit quietly and watch, hoping the Force would close the connection before he woke up. She had been lucky other times. It made her wonder how often it opened when she was asleep, and if he watched her or ignored her presence.

She watched him sit up with a start, and stare straight through her with unseeing eyes. Rey frowned. Could he see her? Or was she now an invisible observer? She remained quiet as Ben swung himself into a hunched position over the edge of his bed. She noticed the moment he stiffened. He knew she was there.

She met his gaze as evenly as she could. It had been months since she had last acknowledged his presence, and his gaze was as electric as ever, but there was something else in his eyes too. Fatigue – yes, she imagined it was etched in her face. Loss… but of what? And something else.  He was still staring at her. He hadn’t moved or uttered a sound. Rey was starting to get concerned.

She slid from her perch at the end of his bed and moved to kneel in front of him. Ben’s eyes followed her every movement. His hands stayed on the back of his neck. His elbows on his knees. And now, with her on the ground in front of him, his hair fell into his eyes. But he remained silent. Having her here was calming him. He could feel it. But he was too tired to hide everything.

Slowly, hesitantly, Rey brought a hand up to brush the hair out of his eyes, and Ben felt himself start and then relax at her touch. He closed his eyes briefly as she moved her hand to his cheek, tracing the scar she had given him. He could feel her concern for him through their connection. He should still feel betrayed by how she abandoned him when he had offered her everything. He should slap her hand away or threaten her, but he just didn’t have the energy. He just opened his eyes and decided to drink her presence in instead. The blazes to everything else. He was going to burn soon. He may as well take comfort when he can find it.

Rey really wasn’t sure what to make of the whole surreal experience. Ben was leaning into her touch, and she could feel him relax. But when he opened his eyes to look at her… she was blown away by the intensity, and the… no… what?

“I can see it in your eyes. The panic. What’s gotten you so scared?”

Rey broke the silence with the quiet statement, and Ben froze. She wasn’t supposed to see _that_. Of course she would though. She could see into the depths of his very soul.

“Ben?”

He slid one hand from the back of his neck to cover hers resting on his cheek and pressed against it gently.

“I can’t be who I need to be.”

“Who do you need to be, Ben?”

He laughed humourlessly and dropped both his hands to his legs, and lowered his head to his chest. Rey dropped her hand from his face and sat back on the floor. She sat quietly and waited. The connection was still strong. She was going to be here for a while.

“Who I need to be, _here_ , is Kylo Ren – Supreme Leader of the First Order. Who I find I am becoming, is Ben Solo. Weak, compassionate, insecure Ben Solo. These are not the traits I need or require for where I am and what I’m doing.”

It took Rey a moment to take this revelation in. It was not what she expected. She could feel his frustration bubbling through their connection, and snippets of memories and experiences bombarded her without warning. Rey gasped at the onslaught, but she understood what Ben was so terrified of: His time was running out.

“Do they know?” Now was not the time for her to be rejoicing, things could get seriously complicated if they couldn’t work this out.

“They suspect… my Knights, but I’m still far stronger than they are. But Hux –” Ben’s loathing of the man rippled through to her. “Hux knows I’m not a politician, I’m a warrior. I was never going to be the politician. And now… Now he’s manoeuvring and while I can see his end game, I can’t do anything about it. To him, I’m just as bad as the Resistance.”

“Come to me Ben.”

“It’s not that simple, Rey.” He stood, and walked around her to the viewport. “The people of the First Order – the significant majority of them – are blameless, harmless, people. They live by discipline and by fear. They live relatively well, but they know it could be worse. There are a few near the top. The Knights, Hux, Kylo Ren…”

Rey heard the distaste in his voice. There were apparently some significant changes she had missed in the months she had been ignoring him.

Ben clenched his fist before he continued. “They are extemists. Ren and his Knights are zealots, and Hux, well… Hux has made himself indispensable and he is as rabid as they are, but without the Force, just a blind devotion to the First Order.”

He turned to face her now. A beseeching expression on his face.

“If I leave, my Knights will hunt me down and kill me. All my delaying tactics to destroy the Resistance will be negated, and an even more power-hungry despot with force sensitive followers will rise up in my place. All my plans to create peace and balance will cease, and hope with it.”

Rey was trying to figure out whether she had fallen asleep and was dreaming, or whether this was actually happening. Had Ben Solo won his fight? No wonder he was scared. What sane person wouldn’t be in his situation? An abrupt thought jarred her. _Delaying tactics?_ She needed to know.

“What do you mean delaying tactics?”

Ben stared at her in disbelief. “I just told you I can’t be Kylo Ren anymore, and you’re preoccupied with the fact I’ve been stalling attacks on the Resistance?”

“We wondered why things were so quiet, Leia thought it was a trap.”

His mother would think that. His mother… He could feel the vague warmth of her Force signature through Rey. She was the politician, not him. He shook his head and walked back to the bed to sit down, reaching out a hand to Rey to pull her up next to him.

“They do know where you are, but I’ve ordered our forces to not commit until you do something drastic. Our reports tell us it’s not worth attacking you at the moment. The Order is large, and there is a great deal of political wrangling now that Snope is dead. There are factions rising – I’m not the only one who needs to watch their back at this time.”

She took his hand, and he let her – keeping his gaze on their intertwined fingers. It felt so right. So natural. Ben felt the Force hum in approval.

“Balance… That’s what you wanted when you asked me to join you.”

“Yes. You were the Light to my Dark.” He squeezed her hand gently. “My perfect equal.”

“But you’re not Dark anymore, Ben –”

“And you’re not Light.”

Rey pulled her hand away suddenly. “What?”

“You a bit of both, you can feel and wield the Dark with as much control as the Light. Surely you’ve noticed that?”

She remained silent. Ben grasped her hand again, and she let him.

“What colour is your sabre, Rey? I know you rebuilt it – I felt it.”

“Purple.” She was looking straight ahead.

_She didn’t know_ … Ben gently shared some of his knowledge of Jedi Lore with her. What purple meant. His had originally been an amber colour… He felt a tinge of regret at losing that when his crystal had cracked under its transformation to red.

“You are still my equal, my counterbalance. But it is too late for me to ask you to join me again. The time has passed, and you will refuse.”

Rey didn’t answer, and Ben realised he had let her in completely when he shared the Lore. She could see and feel his every thought and emotion. With some surprise, he found she had returned the favour to him. She could see out of his eyes, and he could see out of hers. He could feel her love for him – he discovered it at the same time she discovered how much he loved her. He felt her happiness and he met her eyes with a gentle, contented smile. He was Ben Solo again, and he was loved.

Rey gently withdrew herself from Ben’s mind. She had seen it all, and felt it all, and she knew and understood now. And he loved her with the same passion she did him. She wished they were together, because she understood his panic now. If the First Order found out their Supreme Leader had changed his allegiance, all manner of hell was going to break loose. She rested her head against his shoulder.

“What are we going to do, Ben?”

“I’m working on it.”

They felt the connection begin to fade, and stayed in the same position – enjoying each other’s company.

Just as it was closing, Rey whispered. “Be careful Ben.”

“You too,” Ben responded to an empty room.

He lay back down on his bed, and looked at the ceiling. He had an overwhelming need to speak to his Uncle Luke, but that was never going to happen now.  He flung an arm over his eyes, and waited for sleep to claim him. He smiled. She loved him. He drifted off surprisingly quickly after that.


End file.
